
Today is Easter. The most holy day of my calendar. I found myself anxiously waiting for this year's service, much more so than in year's past. I think for no other reason than my heart is in a better place. My walk is closer to where I want it to be.
When I woke this morning I was anxious to get to church. Natalie and I were on schedule and picked the kids up from there grandparent's and left for church. One thing we hadn't done was eat breakfast. So we bribe the kids who are in the middle of a battle royal in the backseat. Complete with shoes being used as weapons and teeth marks on fingers that weren't theirs. I am screaming, Natalie is busy playing Switzerland, the kids have worked themselves into a mild tornado. In short, I am pissed.
We arrive with full bellies just in time for the service to start. I am doing my best to put on a happy face and act like I didn't just scream my head off in the car. I sit down and pray that the Lord will forgive my recent sin. I am blown away how much I have been thrown off sides by little things that I feel the enemy has used to kick me in the teeth. I was in no place to meet my father on such a special day.
As the service starts I attempt to focus my mind on what is important. However, I can't get over all the individual conversations I am hearing around me. I am annoyed and I can't bring myself to ignore it. A baby starts to cry and a toddler is screaming because he (or she) is just being a toddler. By this point I have given up on trying to worship; I am simply singing and praying that I will be able to focus on Pastor Andy's message.
Andy takes the pulpit and begins his message. Two rows in front of me a man gets up to go to the bathroom. A couple has to take their newborn to the cry room. An entire family, at least seven of them, leave in the middle of his message. I almost forget I am in church because it felt like the Apollo. I am paying attention more to how completely disgusted I am than Andy's words. I write a note to Natalie asking her if she is noticing what is happening or if I am just a freak. No more than three seconds later, an elderly couple sitting next to Natalie gets up and leaves. We aren't even at the final song where many people head out to beat traffic. We are still in the middle of the sermon. I almost scream out loud.
By the time the sermon ends and we are in our final worship time the section I am sitting in is almost a quarter the size it was when I first sat down. Unbelievable.
As I have had time to digest the days events I have been struggling with my reaction. Am I justified for being so angry by the lack of respect of those around me? Or was I allowed to be drawn out by the enemy and played like a fiddle?
Has our society gotten so self-centered that we can't even honor Easter Sunday inside a church?
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